20 months

Some thoughts on adoption. 

God gives some amazing, sustaining grace. 

Every time I look back on our journey of becoming a family, I pretty much always think the same thing:  HOLY HECK! How did we make it through those days???  It doesn't matter if I'm thinking of 19 months ago, a year ago, or even 6 weeks ago, my thought process pretty much starts at the Holy Heck part.  But here's the really amazing part: I never, ever (well maybe just once or twice) have thought that in the moment.  You realize what that means?  That God is and has been so gracious to us.  Our days have been so blessed in the present, yet continue to improve even when I didn't realize it was possible. 

It amazes me to compare my boys in many differing ways, from language mastery to behavior to small areas of growth in attachment, to even 4 weeks ago.  4 weeks ago I would have told you the same thing comparing their growth to 6 weeks prior to that.  And 10 weeks ago I would have told you how my family has "arrived" and that we are pretty much exactly where we need to be, and then I would have marveled about all the growth we've experienced in the 6 previous weeks.    

I feel like I can almost hear God chuckling as I come to understand this tiny part of what it means when He says, cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you.  Every day He has not only sustained us, but also made the bulk of the days feel like a joy and then He saves a secret surprise by making the next two months even more enjoyable and full of growth. 

Are they brothers?/Are they real brothers?

20 months later, everyone still has the same favorite question.  This always leaves me in something of a quandary for a few reasons.  Reason #1:  Adoption is one of my favorite things to talk about, and I would love to answer all of your questions.  Reason #2:  My boys' history is private and I deeply guard their stories and lives.  Reason #2 will trump reason #1 every time.  Reason #3:  Can we all agree to stop using the word "real"?  Let's use birth or biological instead.   

With all adoption questions, I try to let the tone of voice/tone of question and relationship with the person dictate how I will answer questions.  If you are truly interested in adoption or helping vulnerable children, I have much to say and would love to talk.  If you are just trying to think of something adoption-y to say to me, I'd rather not go there.     

Honestly, we have not had many awkward or negative comments or questions about our family, but I'm beginning to see that is partially because we are not in the public much.  Next year will bring pre-school, possibly the start of some team sports, and generally mixing more with people outside of our church and group of friends.  I have already noticed that the moms sitting around in the waiting room at OT are all too curious to know private details of my kids' lives.  No thanks, ladies.  No thanks. 

I have learned a ton about child development.

Superman got the brunt of our ignorance.  I try not to dwell much on it, but it is oh so true.  Bear is pretty much the same age Superman was when we came home and I am seeing now how hard it would be to be adopted when you are 2.9.  All those willful toddler battles, desiring of independence (Bear: "I do it myself!") and general toddler moodiness coupled with a new language, culture, and new parents who have yet to navigate a child from toddler years to preschool years is a lot.  A heck of a lot. 

We've got a good friend who adopted three of her four children from Ethiopia.  Her first was a 6 mo. old girl, her second was a 10 year old boy, and her third was a 3 year old girl.  She claims that hands down, the 3 year old was the hardest.  Our apologies, Superman, for being woefully ignorant about what you were up against.

We are still totally normal.

Introduce me to a family with small kids, and we will talk all day. 

"Have you looked into preschools?  Yeah, I heard that one was good too.  Is he potty-trained?  Yeah, for some reason it seems like he is trying to un-potty train himself and has started having accidents lately.  Oh really?  Your son did that too?  He's pretty much driving me crazy because he wants to buckle his seat belt by himself every single time and he can't ever do it.  Ever. Yeah, we decided to try t-ball, but now I'm finding out that the practices are at 8 pm and we usually go to bed at 7:30.  I'm not sure if we should quit or if that is just part of growing up.  Let me tell you, this one hasn't taken a nap for three days in a row.  I know what you mean.  Our youngest freaks out in the church nursery,  too."

If you have ever thought that adoption was too hard or not for you, I've got news for you.  If you have any desire to parent, you can adopt.  Just ask me, and I'll tell you how.  Just don't ask if my boys are real brothers.  :)

Ho