Recently I was reading and came across this quote:
The past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, & thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past. -Virginia Woolf
It struck me as spot on, especially as I contemplate over the past year. Years really. From the outside looking in, I think most would say that this was our worst year; that they wouldn't wish these experiences on anyone. I agree with the 'wouldn't wish them on anyone' part. Curiously, I think we would disagree that this was our worst year. I feel like the 2018-19 school was quite valuable for us in many ways and a year where we really got our footing back.
Here are some of the lessons that the past school year has driven home:
Our family operates best when built like a pyramid from the ground up, the base being relationship with God, the middle being a strong and healthy marriage, the tip being our kids and their well-being. For many months our entire family was circling around Seth and his needs and it wasn't until this year that I (1.) even realized we functioned this way, and (2.) realized how dis-functional it was. Also (big time shocker), having life revolve around what we thought was best for Seth did not help him and in fact drug others down.
Get help! That's what these resources are there for! I would never deny therapeutic help to our kids, but for many reasons (pride? time? exhaustion? budget?) didn't consider it a priority for myself. This past year both Jon and I interacted with a counselor to strengthen our marriage, and I also went to someone for individual therapy. Guess what? It was extremely helpful. This lesson learned is almost laughable; I expect therapy to help my kid(s), why wouldn't it help us as well?
While uncomfortable, these challenges did not break us. Would it be too cliche to say that I feel our family is stronger? One of my biggest worries with Seth getting help outside of our home was that he may feel abandoned, or that he could never trust us again. While I am sure those thoughts have run through his mind at times, it seems that he trusts us equally or more since returning home. He knew he felt and acted out of control, and I think is grateful that major intervention was had. He recently had a pretty thorough mental health assessment and stated that he did not consider the experience of in-patient therapy to be traumatic and realized that people were only trying to help him. This was a huge relief to my mom heart.
We have also been toying with the idea of a move to the Austin area for the past 3 years. While in many ways this would be an amazing adventure that has plenty of pros, we feel that Lubbock is home at least for now. We have built up an amazing group of professionals to work with our family and Seth has transferred to an alternative, therapeutic school at the very end of this year, and will start there again next year. Overall, we really don't want to leave friends and community that have walked this road of life with us for many years.
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Nolan finished up his year with Mrs. April in pdo. He really had a sweet little class and April has loved on those kiddos tremendously. Nolan can still be on the shy side around newbies, but has come along way in this area of life. He is so into transformers and the show called Rescue Bots (which has transformers). He plays with these action figures for literally hours a day. He loves to make the voices for everyone and the transformer noises which mostly just means that he sprays everyone with spit a lot. He has strong fine motor skills but could care less about coloring and anything requiring him to sit at the table. (Including eating.) He is into play doh a smidge, but would play tag or hide and seek with his brothers all day. He loves it when Ollie has friends come over and play and they include him.
Here's a picture of him with some of his buds from the last week.
And we forgot to take a last day of school picture for Nolan, so this random meal recently will have to do.
Ollie really had a great 2nd grade year. He continues to be an extrovert, sporty, social, dramatic, and full of laughter. He has stepped into a bigger kid phase where he can be embarrassed and never ever puts a toe out of line at school or church but can have crazy, eye-rolling over-reactions to minor infractions at home. He loves to play board games, is pretty competitive, still loves Harry Potter, and is very particular about his clothes and his look. Hands down, he is our families best dancer and also has become quite a strong reader this year. He also loves desserts, treats or goodies of any kind. His best friends include Jon, Christian, and Bruce. Honestly, Ollie has friends coming out of his ears and goes to more birthday parties than everyone else combined.
Here he is with Mrs. Trook, getting his second-grade awards.
Left: last day of school, Right: first day of school
As I have already alluded to, Seth has had a pretty wild year. He spent close to 5 months in an RTC in the San Antonio area, came home, then changed schools all before the end of the year. He remains interested in inventions and how things work. He also really enjoys transformers and has really learned to play in the past 18 months. He and Nolan spend plenty of time with action figures, cars, and transformers. He spends lots of time in his room with an old digital camera and creates some pretty cool stop motion videos with different toys. He is quite athletic, but like his mom, prefers activities that come easy and aren't too challenging from the beginning. He is a smart kiddo, with the biggest empathetic heart. He gets so much joy out of sharing and helping others. He also is quite into weapons and has an extensive cardboard arsenal. He continues to lobby for marital arts, which is now included into his behavior goals and levels. We feel so proud to be Seth's mom and day, proud of all the work he puts in daily to learn and grow in all areas, but especially in regards to his mental health.
Here he is with some classmates at his end of year party.
Left: last day of school, Right: first day of school
If you are still with me, my hat's off to you! This was a long-ie! I, however, am too lazy to go back and reread, so please forgive my errors and typos.
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