Surgery

 (Warning! If reading about someone's uterus is not your cup of tea, you may want to skip this post!)

Hello from the couch!

I'm looking at 4 days off of work and not feeling one bit sad! And that's on top of the 3 days that I've already been parked on my keister. This is pretty much as good as it gets for a middle aged, middle-class, working mom of 3. The kids are in school and I've got full control of the remote and food options.

A month ago, I went to get a pap smear and my nurse practitioner found a couple of fibroids in my uterus. I was not exactly surprised, as in many ways I am living out the health history sequel of Mimi. We discussed options and I went ahead a scheduled a partial laparoscopic hysterectomy, which I had last Thursday. The surgeon told me he counted 15 (FIFTEEN!!!!) fibroids in my uterus and a little endometriosis to boot. Plus my uterus was 6 times the size of a normal one. (Consider yourself lucky that I am not going to post the pictures the surgeon gave me from surgery, although if you are still reading along, maybe you are the type that wants all the details??)  Now Mimi and I have to argue about what is worse: a fibroid the size of a grapefruit or 15 fibroids? (Note: Mimi argues this point as well and says hers was the size of a small bread loaf. This is definitely not how I remember it, and feel the tale has grown as it would with any good fisherman. Ask me next year and I will probably tell you I had 25 fibroids.)    

When I found out that a hysterectomy was the option that made the most sense, I had 24 hours of pretty profound grief. Saying goodbye to your uterus felt akin to saying goodbye to an x chromosome. Plus the pictures of the women in the brochure that my NP gave me all looked 70. Come on! Where is the brochure with pictures of a woman barely holding on to her 30s? A brochure that guides you through the emotional journey of saying goodbye to her uterus? Happier brochures can be a niche market for some gen-Zer for sure.    

Thankfully the sadness and grief was very short lived for me. Surely getting rid of my uterus and all the lovely (ha- terrible) things a uterus comes along with has got to be the best thing that ever happened to me. In fact, my uterus has even scored me a meal train with it's removal. Has life even been lived if your uterus never scored you a meal train? Arguably, no. 

Jon took off for few days and he took the absolute best care of me. We laughed and joked and he was a big 'ol sweetie pie at the surgery center. It felt like a day date, which seems like a 10 out of 10 on the hospital/surgery scale. Then I got to come home to a meal train, kids at school, and days off of work? You can see why I am in such a good mood and finally have time to blog.

Here's to feeling healthier and embracing life without a defining organ that never did one nice thing for me!

Nolan has slept with this uterus for several nights now. I hope he reads this someday and it makes him laugh.