I've been thinking lots about Jack and Nevaeh and figured it was time for a good long post about all the things muddling around in my head. Today I was asking Jon if he remembered how great Jack smelled, a combo of Johnsons pink baby lotion + argan oil in his hair + papmer's senstive wipes. Sadly, Jon did not. Or (sadder yet?) Jon quite possibly never noticed how great Jack smelled. It may very well just be a mom thing.
It's hard to know where to begin or how to sum up my thoughts on foster care. Remember good 'ol Jen Hatmaker and how she was in ET at the same time we were? So every time a big milestone came around (one year home, two years home, etc.), there she was: all eloquent, and making sense, and being super transparent, and clearly conveying how much she loved her kids, and pointing everyone back to the maker of heaven and earth, and I can't help but think that I may have gotten spoiled.
This time around when I read blogs or posts from other foster parents, I just can't get behind the entire post. Some things are summed up nicely, but other thoughts are missing or completely off base for how I feel. So ack. I guess I'm going to have to write about this myself, not just passing on the linky love.
I'm also hesitant to put my feelings out there because I realize that we have had a very small nibble of foster care and I in no way know if our kids/situation/experience was average. But I will tell you that we did fall head over heels in love. And not just with our amazing kids, but with foster care.
I was working on a bible study and was reading the end of Matthew 25. Jesus is explaining how when the Son of Man comes back he will judge the all nations that will be gathered before him. He says he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, to his left and right.
Jesus goes on to say, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father;... for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
The people he is speaking to answered him in surprise and basically say, 'Lord when? We never saw you!'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Jesus then goes on to explain that the "goats" say the exact same thing. 'When did we see you?? We would have surely done something to help if we had seen you!!' Jesus answers "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."
Boy oh boy, did that make me cry.
Because life is busy, and challenging, and at times hard. You worry about things, and can feel down. Foster care can be all of those things compounded: busy, challenging, hard, stressful, and constricting. But weren't you all ready worn out and tired by your "normal" life, so why not be worn out and tired by feeding the hungry and giving drinks to the thirsty? By being hospitable to a stranger and looking after the sick or visiting those in prison? Why not be worn out by taking care of Jesus rather than yourself?
And then here's the great secret; in spite of all the challenges before you, every Mot was better because of it. Jon and I working as a team, in tune to one another at a new level in the chaos. Seeing Seth in a new light as so many of his strengths came to the forefront and he shone being a big brother to littles. Ollie, flexible as ever, adapting quickly, and now at a loss for his friend and playmate is gone.
I thought it would be harder on our kids when our Jack and Nevaeh left as well. I expected Seth and Ollie to struggle with ideas of "Okay, so they just left, will I ever have to leave?/When will I leave?" I am so very happy to say that did not happen. Probably because we talked about these things forever and ever, but I really see this as such a tangible truth that our kids feel secure, which feels wonderful.
Surprisingly, I thought we would need a while between placements, a few months maybe? Rather, Jon and I feel like we are chomping at the bit to begin again. We did decide to hold off until summer because working part time for me was just too much in the end. We decided that I would stay home next year and we would continue to foster. We also have gone back and forth about whether we should sell our home and look for more square footage, more bedrooms, and a bigger area for a much larger dinning table. In the end it seemed like a good idea, so although it may put us back even longer than we would like before getting another foster placement, it is what we have decided to do.
As ever, I'll keep you posted!
It's hard to know where to begin or how to sum up my thoughts on foster care. Remember good 'ol Jen Hatmaker and how she was in ET at the same time we were? So every time a big milestone came around (one year home, two years home, etc.), there she was: all eloquent, and making sense, and being super transparent, and clearly conveying how much she loved her kids, and pointing everyone back to the maker of heaven and earth, and I can't help but think that I may have gotten spoiled.
This time around when I read blogs or posts from other foster parents, I just can't get behind the entire post. Some things are summed up nicely, but other thoughts are missing or completely off base for how I feel. So ack. I guess I'm going to have to write about this myself, not just passing on the linky love.
I'm also hesitant to put my feelings out there because I realize that we have had a very small nibble of foster care and I in no way know if our kids/situation/experience was average. But I will tell you that we did fall head over heels in love. And not just with our amazing kids, but with foster care.
I was working on a bible study and was reading the end of Matthew 25. Jesus is explaining how when the Son of Man comes back he will judge the all nations that will be gathered before him. He says he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, to his left and right.
Jesus goes on to say, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father;... for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
The people he is speaking to answered him in surprise and basically say, 'Lord when? We never saw you!'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Jesus then goes on to explain that the "goats" say the exact same thing. 'When did we see you?? We would have surely done something to help if we had seen you!!' Jesus answers "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."
Boy oh boy, did that make me cry.
Because life is busy, and challenging, and at times hard. You worry about things, and can feel down. Foster care can be all of those things compounded: busy, challenging, hard, stressful, and constricting. But weren't you all ready worn out and tired by your "normal" life, so why not be worn out and tired by feeding the hungry and giving drinks to the thirsty? By being hospitable to a stranger and looking after the sick or visiting those in prison? Why not be worn out by taking care of Jesus rather than yourself?
And then here's the great secret; in spite of all the challenges before you, every Mot was better because of it. Jon and I working as a team, in tune to one another at a new level in the chaos. Seeing Seth in a new light as so many of his strengths came to the forefront and he shone being a big brother to littles. Ollie, flexible as ever, adapting quickly, and now at a loss for his friend and playmate is gone.
I thought it would be harder on our kids when our Jack and Nevaeh left as well. I expected Seth and Ollie to struggle with ideas of "Okay, so they just left, will I ever have to leave?/When will I leave?" I am so very happy to say that did not happen. Probably because we talked about these things forever and ever, but I really see this as such a tangible truth that our kids feel secure, which feels wonderful.
Surprisingly, I thought we would need a while between placements, a few months maybe? Rather, Jon and I feel like we are chomping at the bit to begin again. We did decide to hold off until summer because working part time for me was just too much in the end. We decided that I would stay home next year and we would continue to foster. We also have gone back and forth about whether we should sell our home and look for more square footage, more bedrooms, and a bigger area for a much larger dinning table. In the end it seemed like a good idea, so although it may put us back even longer than we would like before getting another foster placement, it is what we have decided to do.
As ever, I'll keep you posted!
Thanks for sharing! You guys make my heart happy.
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